Alternatives « Terrible Palsy

Alternatives

March 8, 2007 at 11:19 pm | In Uncategorized | 12 Comments

As a parent, you would do anything to make your child “normal”. Most of us start along the more traditional routes and then end up trying the alternatives once we work out that the Doctors are only offering band-aids. That’s not the Doctors fault, as medical science is really hit and miss (if you don’t believe me – just watch an episode of House). But we are on this never-ending search to find the one thing that will make a difference to our child’s life and future. I expect that eventually most parents come to the realisation that they have done everything that they can. I don’t know. We haven’t gotten there yet.

My parent-in-laws are alternative type of people. They don’t see Drs, they see Naturopaths. This has at varying times during my relationship with hubby driven me nuts. But they have hearts of gold and just have different beliefs than I do. I don’t fully understand their beliefs but am able to get the gist of it. And I don’t always discount those beliefs either just because they are alternative though some of them have had me lifting my eyebrows.

I believe in ABR and am happy to put all my spare energy into it. My mother-in-law however still takes Moo to alternative practitioners such as osteopaths, naturopaths and psychic healers. I generally don’t have a problem with this so long as it isn’t something that will hurt him.

The latest one said that Moo’s problems arose from him not being a nice person in his last life. I have a problem with this. Sadly, it’s not the first time I have heard it either.

Putting aside the fact that this person was an alternative practitioner, the reason why I have such a problem with this is because it is actually a common-held belief in our society that people with disabilities deserves their disability. That they have been bad in some way (whether it be now or in a previous life) and that this is their retribution for their behaviour.

I don’t believe that Moo is paying for the suffering he caused in his previous life. I also don’t believe that his soul isn’t fully in his body (which is what another alternative practitioner has told us).

Those are my beliefs. What are yours?

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I believe that our kids are who they are. I believe that disability is simply…diversity.
I don’t believe that it is tragedy and I don’t believe that they need to be *fixed* But that’s just me : )

Comment by Jodi — March 9, 2007 #

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I believe that I have CP because I have a soul that is strong enough to cope with it which means that it doesn’t (generally) stop me and I can use my CP and my life to show that disability is a positive thing. I’ve heard the suffering thing before too and actually have a friend who believes that is why she has CP. (((hugs))) L, Emma xx

Comment by Emma — March 9, 2007 #

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Oh yeah I forgot to add that I also believe that having CP is what is right for me and I would never change it. Surprisingly enough, that’s something people like to argue with me about !

Comment by Emma — March 9, 2007 #

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Our oldest daughter was born with an unexpected birth defect. So we have met many, many Doctors. One Dr. was removing the extra thumb she had on her right hand said it best. People don’t realize in the first days/weeks of conception cells are dividing and multiplying so quickly. It is a process that we cannot conceive to understand. To have these cells multiply without defects or problems is remarkable. When it doesn’t work out perfectly it just doesn’t. There isn’t always a reason why things happen the way they do. He didn’t try to explain why our daughter was born the way she was, he just wanted us to understand it is a complex process and we don’t always have control over the outcome. I think we often believe we control the world we live in and everything in it. Ultimately, we are here for a short time and we should do good things with the gifts we are given. Paula

Comment by paula — March 9, 2007 #

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Can of worms you’re opening now!

I tend to be more “alternative” in my thoughts – as you say we quickly realized that doctors only give band-aids.

But alternative to the point of blaming a child for doing something in a previous life and deserving a disability? NO. What is the point anyway? It is not going to chance one single thing, believing that.

I have to believe there is some sense in it, though. Even if we weren’t particularly “chosen”, I can still learn from my child’s disability and make the best of life with him. And so can he. That ultimately makes most of us stronger people.

I believe in God and that He tends to work with “bad” things and make them “good”. I believe that I was meant or chosen to be Loren’s mother – whatever his condition or health status.

Therefore I’ve reached a point where I considered what happened to Loren and my role in it as regrettable but also challenging, hopeful and positive. And the positives weigh far more than the negatives. That does not mean I won’t help him towards more independance and less suffering with every fibre of my being.

You know why people believe that people with disabilities and us as their parents deserve it? It is because the thought that something like this could be a random occurance and end up happening to themselves is just too much to bear. So, they prefer thinking it won’t happen to them because they are “good people” or something. Or that we are chosen for suffering because we do it so well. It is a condescending and a fearful thought rather than a logical conclusion…

Thanks for this thought-provoking post.
Nelba

Comment by Nelba — March 9, 2007 #

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Pingback by Karma shwarma « Windpompe & Vygies — March 9, 2007 #

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Jacqui this is a great topic. I have heard many things similar. They bug me. I am going to respond to you more fully in a post. I just had a discussion with Kay at Gimp Parade about this very same thing. I hate the dehumanizing factor of somehow trying to say that Moo is being punished or in any way a lesser being.

And Emma, you are the wise one as usual. I am with you. I think if a person has a disability it’s because their soul can handle it, signed up for it because they had something REALLY important to learn from it. It’s not their fault, it’s their choice.

I hope the ABR trip went well.

Love,
Kathryn

Comment by Kathryn — March 9, 2007 #

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I believe VERY STRONGLY that we are who we are. Some of us have a disability that can be seen, others have a disability that is not obvious to the naked eye. But how dare anybody suggest Moo has his because of something in a previous life? He is, by what I see in photos and read in posts, one great little man who I only wish half the children I know had his determination and strength. I also hope one day, any day, my Thomas gets to meet him (as I show him this site often and talk about Marshall and all the things he does!)

Sorry, I got side-tracked from your question – but I am too mad to say what I really think!

Big hugs from Jodi and Tom
xxxx

Comment by Jodi and Thomas Devine — March 10, 2007 #

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[...] of the topics but I don’t have the time or energy now. Jacqui wrote a wonderful post on Alternatives in medicine and also what people believe about why we are disabled. The discussion in the [...]

Pingback by » Lots of Links — March 12, 2007 #

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Thanks for all of your comments.

Jodi, I agree with you. It is one thing that I struggle with is where to draw the line between trying to “fix” Moo and accepting his differences but at the same time trying to improve his function. it is a hard balance.

Emma, I’ve always admired your attitude and i am truly blessed to have cybermet you. It is a shame that your friend believes that she deserves her disability but not surprising given the way that society probably treats her as though she must be suffering if she has a disability.

Paula, I hope we can all do good things in the short time we are here. I don’t think we can control what happens to us but we can control the way we deal with it.

Nelba, I think you hit the nail straight on the head. People don’t want to accept that bad things can happen to good people. And they fear the unknown which is also why change is resisted so strongly.

Kathryn, read your post and loved it. It is funny how none of these issues live in isolation – they are all linked in some way.

Jodi & Tom, I hope that we meet you and Tom some day too. I think I must have heard these types of comments too many times and be de-sensitised to it as it no longer makes me angry – only sad.

Love,
Jacqui

Comment by terriblepalsy — March 12, 2007 #

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I have been lucky to never hear these kinds of comments about Eden. It makes me very angry and sad. Unfortunately, it will probably happen at some point.

What do I believe? I believe that shit happens. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. And good people take life’s lemons, and they make lemonade.

As parents, we grieve the loss of “normal” for our children. We deny, we get angry, and we cry, a lot. Then we pick up the pieces and move forward. We learn so many very important life lessons. We learn to appreciate the small things. We learn to accept and celebrate diversity at a whole new level. We learn to love and accept our children for the wonderful people that they are. We learn to advocate, and initiate change in our society and culture as a whole. We learn many things that make us so much better people than we would have been otherwise…and then we feel sorry for other people who will never have the chance to learn the same lessons.

These are MY beliefs as a parent of a child with a disability. I don’t know what Eden will believe. I will strive only to make sure she knows how much she has enhanced MY life, and how happy I am to know her. I think with that knowledge, she will be able to find her own place in the world.

Comment by Billie — March 13, 2007 #

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Maggie

Great site! i\’m looking forward to reading more.

Trackback by Maggie — June 21, 2007 #

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