Prejudice « Terrible Palsy

Prejudice

May 20, 2007 at 10:00 am | In Lessons learnt | 8 Comments

Prejudices.

We all have them.

Some people wear them on their sleeves like badges of honour.

Some people hide them deep inside.

But they are still there.

Born from fear.

Fear of the unknown.

One of the most common statements that people say to me about Moo is how “normal” he is. People are honestly surprised about this. I’m not sure what the expect when they meet him. He is normal. Not unlike any of his brothers. Obsessed with motorbikes. Loves to play with his toys. And hates to brush his teeth. Extraordinarily normal.

The other thing I get is disbelief that he has cerebral palsy. Those two words conjour up preconceived thoughts of how he should be, what he should look like, the limitations placed on his ability. The surprising thing is that I get this reaction most commonly from other parents of children with special needs.

I’ve talked in this blog about prejudice that Moo faces. That we face as a family. But I’ve always steered away from a subject that is pretty raw.

And pretty ugly.

Cause as much as you see the prejudice staring at you on the faces of others – sometimes that same prejudice is staring back at you as your reflection in the mirror.

Honestly, having a child with special needs isn’t something I expected to happen. Along with the shock, the guilt, the anger and the acceptance, has also come another realisation. The realisation that not only am I not perfect, but I also contain those same prejudices that I see in others.

That inner prejudice that I try so hard to hide rears it’s ugly head as I ponder Moo’s future. What sort of life is he going to have? Will he be able to work? Earn a living? Get married? Have a family of his own?

And yet none of those things require him to walk. The one thing I ponder most about.

Does this make me a bad person?

No.

It makes me human.

But I have learnt that the inner prejudice, born from fear, is different to the reality. That you can’t put someone in a box and stick a label on them. That disability is not a sub-species of the human race. That those of us who have a disability, whether it be congenital or acquired, are normal. That “they” live, love and learn, just like I do.

You shouldn’t be surprised.

8 Comments »

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As we were facing some issues with our beautiful boys over the past few weeks I chose to write about it in my blog. And I received some wonderful heartfelt messages from people living with disabilities. It also made me look at my own prejudices and preconceived ideas about others – and the promise to myself to make sure my boys learn to value the sould of a person over everything else.
Hugs,
and welcome back,
Lisa

Comment by Lisa - mum to Mitch & Harry ex 24.6 weekers now almost 3 years old — May 20, 2007 #

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Insightful. Thanks for sharing.

Comment by Janet — May 21, 2007 #

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Like you said, everyone has prejudices. I am a person with disabilities, and I still sometimes find myself having prejudices about people with disabilities. Even my own disabilities. I don’t act on these prejudices or make them known, but that doesn’t mean I never have them.

Having prejudices doesn’t make you a bad person. When you try not to treat other people in a prejudiced way, that is a good thing.

Comment by Astrid van Woerkom — May 21, 2007 #

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I think one of the things with prejudices is that what to one person is a prejudice isn’t to another. Which means that a truly prejudice free life/world can never be achieved. And I agree with pretty much everything that Astrid said.

Comment by Emma — May 22, 2007 #

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I think the spam filter must have struck again. The short version – I agree with Astrid!

Comment by Emma — May 22, 2007 #

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Really lovely post. Sometimes when people who know Little Guy meet me for the first time they say “I can’t believe how courteous he is!”

It makes me want to scratch my head and ask, “Courteous for a kid who has autism? Or just courteous in general?”

So I just smile and say Thank You. LOL

Comment by Attila the Mom — May 22, 2007 #

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This is my third attempt at leaving a comment. I think your comments hate me today.

Comment by Emma — May 22, 2007 #

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[...] @ Terrible Palsy wrote an insightful post about prejudices, and I thought I should share it with you You see, Jacqui’s son, Moo, was born 13 weeks [...]

Pingback by Jacqui writes about prejudice : The Giving Hands — July 29, 2007 #

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